There is nothing that can convince me that you were a mistake.
It was you who gave me faith; who made me believe I was capable of loving and being loved. I could eat your fries without it being treated as a cardinal sin. And then, cry into each others’ arms on the beach at 2 am on a weekday, just because life is hard and we didn’t have words.
You came rushing when I was in the hospital, and you assumed I was dying – I was not. Oh, how you just held my hand as the pain kicked in, putting on your brave face so I wasn’t all alone. The surprises, my love, you know how to surprise people. That day after my exam, to just drop me back home and prep talk me in person. Or when I had a bad period, and you came over with chocolate ice cream and massaged me. And another random day, only for the heck of it.
The sneaking around, because the only policing happening in this city is about morality. Boy, did we cross all boundaries of morality. The exhilaration of just having your arms around me, in a crowded train, offending dozens at a time. The empty stairwells to the university campus with a thousand stares. We’ve been, um, inseparable. A single kiss, like a butterfly, finally bursting open into the world. And how was I ever to resist those beautiful coffee eyes anyway? Even when you’re fast asleep, and your eyes aren’t piercing into my very soul, they still have a way of melting me. You have your small tricks up your sleeve, don’t you? The dancing around my room, almost naked, while I stepped on your toes. Dungeons and Dragons, with your friends. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it meant so much to see you not being embarrassed by me.
It wasn’t all glitter and rainbows, thunder and storms prevailed, but somehow we managed to become each others’ shelter. Two millennials, struggling to find income and meaning, scrambling with confidence, but we were together through it all. Occasionally, you’d come home to me and shatter in my arms and I’d run into you for an embrace of elixir. Because when we were together, the demons looked less scary, the screams softer. Many a night, with an odd combination of pizza and Chinese, we’d share stories that left scars. The ones that defined us, the ones still secret from the world. And then, we cuddled to lullabies almost as sweet as your words.
We stand here, days from saying goodbye. I knew from the first day we met – when you let me have all the best fries – that I’d be teary when I would have to say goodbye. But nobody told me that I would be drowning, struggling to breathe in the freedom that cost me my happiness.
And yet, you remain to be the best decision I ever made.